As a model, I am often perceived, packaged, and exoticized through the lens of my most apparent racial identity, defined solely by my part asian-ness but never myself in totality. A common feeling of misunderstanding & misrepresentation throughout my career in the industry, I forfeit a certain agency of self every time I am in front of someone else’s camera. While self-portraiture has always served as a companion to loneliness throughout my youth, today, it has become a different vessel of self-reliance: a reminder of the complexity and ambiguity of my identity. These photographs reveal a reclamation of my feminine gaze and authority over my most private and public selves, desires, fears, and fantasies. My self-portraits are mirrors of the secrets many cannot capture. I can only rely on myself to uncover them.
(The dates mean nothing, they are by accident in not knowing how to work a newly acquired point and shoot camera. My first time experimenting with automatic function.)